When we approached OBNUG about a Q&A for the Rocket/Bronco game, they suggested a blog bet, in addition to the questions… whichever team wins, that blog gets a free post on the opposing blog. Boise State’s 57-14 victory over Toledo earned OBNUG a free post here on LGR. So to make good on our word, here it is:
Scene: Toledo faces a 4th and 10 from the Boise State 25 yard-line late in the fourth quarter. Toledo coach Tim Beckman tries to decide on a play.
Beckman: Well, I could run that QB dive play for the 15th time tonight. I think it gained
positive yards once. Or there’s always that screen pass to our running back, provided he doesn’t fumble. Man, this is HARD!
Just then, Kellen Moore, Jeremy Avery, and OBNUG walk up to Beckman.
Beckman: What are you guys doing on my sideline?
Moore: We heard you were having some trouble deciding what to do, and I’m pretty great at being decisive, so …
Avery: Yeah, and I ran for three touchdowns, so I can be anywhere I want. I’m hanging
out in Jon Hamm’s dreams tonight. Kind of like Inception.
OBNUG: I told the security guy I was Brian Murphy.
Beckman: I don’t know who that is.
Moore: OK, let’s decide what to do here on 4th down. What’s been working for you so far?
Beckman: Well, Austin Dantin has done a great job moving the ball down the field. I know! I’ll put in Terrance Owens!
Avery: What else has been working for you?
Beckman: Well, we gained some good yardage on that one play where Boise State missed four tackles. Oh wait. No. We fumbled that one.
Eric Page enters.
Page: Uh, how about you throw me the ball since I’m always open?
Eric Page leaves.
OBNUG: You know, this one time when I was playing NCAA Football 11 on my PS3, I had a 4th and 30 with 10 seconds left, down by five, and I called a veer option left and I took it to the house for the win.
OBNUG: Well, I might have had the difficulty setting on Jayvee and I might have been playing Idaho State.
OBNUG: OK, it was actually Madden, and I was playing the Browns.
OBNUG: Fine, it was on my Gamecube.
OBNUG: OK, OK. It was Mario Tennis, and I was down three sets to none against Bowser and I came back to win. Happy now?
Les Miles enters.
Les Miles sees something shiny.
Les Miles leaves.
Chris Petersen enters.
Petersen: I would run a fake reverse, double WR pass, hook-and-ladder Hail Mary. Have the QB stuff the ball into his shirt on the play action. That is, if you haven’t already used that play on 1st down on your second series.
Chris Petersen leaves.
Les Miles returns.
Miles: OK, here’s what you do. Wait until the play clock is down to about five seconds. You know what? On second thought, forget about the play clock. So you’ve got your 11 guys out on the field. Forget about them. Bring out a new 11 guys and make sure that one of them is the team manager. They never suspect that stuff. Start off in a goalline formation, switch to shotgun, switch back to goalline, switch to punt, switch back to shotgun. Then snap the ball when your quarterback isn’t looking.
Les Miles leaves.
Joe Glenn enters.
Glenn: Who doesn’t love fourth downs? Hoo boy! This is fun!
Joe Glenn leaves.
AP voters enter.
AP voters: Wait a second. This isn’t the USC-Stanford game. Gah, that field is so blue.
AP voters leave.
Craig James enters.
James: You should give the ball to my son Adam. He’s really good. All he needs is an opportunity.
Craig James sues the University of Toledo. Craig James leaves.
Dan Hawkins enters.
Hawkins: This is Division I football. This is the Big XII. Oh wait. That’s not right, is it. I have no idea what to do here.
Dan Hawkins leaves.
David Augusto enters.
Augusto (breathlessly): Did anyone see which direction Dan Hawkins went?
David Augusto leaves.
Beckman: None of this advice will work. I need a play, and I need one fast. Guys, what am I going to do?
Avery: You should run the Wildcat since that seems to work every time.
Beckman: But none of my players are as fast as you.
Avery: Hmm, good point. Oh well. Marvin Austin called and said he just got an XBox. I’ll catch you guys later.
OBNUG: You know, there was this one really great play I saw in that Al Pacino movie, Any Given Sunday, where –
OBNUG: OK, it was Remember the Titans.
OBNUG: Fine, it was an episode of Wishbone, and I didn’t get to watch the whole thing, and come to think of it, it might have been about The Prince and The Pauper.
Moore: OK, here’s what you do.
Kellen Moore draws up a play so beautiful that God Himself comes down from heaven to laminate it at a nearby Copies Plus. The play involves a five-WR shotgun set, a series of fake screens and double moves, a 3-1/2-year long con of middle linebacker Derrell Acrey, Boise State’s kickoff tee-retrieving dog, and an optical illusion with a series of mirrors, a lunar eclipse, and a Live Strong bracelet.
Beckman signals the play in to Austin Dantin. Toledo executes the play to perfection.
Whistles blow. Referees call it back since the ball was not ready for play. Tim Beckman murders somebody.